


your voice is the song i play in my dreams

by angstonly



Series: we're under the same moon [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-13 01:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21235952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstonly/pseuds/angstonly
Summary: rumors— they're nasty, destructive, and completely unnecessary. and when certain rumors start planting seeds of doubt between haechan and mark, they have to work even harder to reassure each other that they're only just that— rumors.





	your voice is the song i play in my dreams

**Author's Note:**

> we're under the same moon, part two has arrived! this occurs roughly around the same time as part one. it can stand alone, though! thanks for reading :')

* * *

even though he has a new nickname, he's always going to be donghyuck to mark lee. it's his real name but donghyuck no longer wants anyone other than mark to ever call him by that name. it's special now because it's _theirs_.

donghyuck impatiently taps his notebook with the tip of his pencil, lips pressed into a thin line as he stares at his phone. the black screen has to illuminate soon. it _has_ to. because donghyuck is ready to throw a fit and everyone hates it when he does. "he still hasn't called," he mutters under his breath. "he said he's going to call tonight."

huang renjun looks up from his book, glancing over at the clock hung high on the wall across the room. "idiot, he said he's going to call at nine. it's 8:52," he rolls his eyes, adjusting his position on donghyuck's bed. "you're so damn clingy, it's ridiculous."

"isn't it common courtesy to call fifteen minutes early?!" donghyuck whines, tossing the pencil on the desk, which rolls top a stop by his phone. "you're supposed to be early to those things! it's the polite thing to do!"

renjun sighs, his book closing with a loud slap. "that's for job interviews, dumbass. i'm heading out, you're getting all... _you_." the older of the two rises to his feet, gathering all the notebooks scattered all over the bed and haphazardly tosses them all into his bag. "jeno says he got caught up with something. he'll come see us tomorrow."

"you're an annoying friend," donghyuck groans and throws his pencil at renjun, who glowers at him in response."leaving me alone in my misery like this. like why—" _ring._ "oh never mind, he's calling now."

renjun shakes his head on his way out the door and donghyuck dives onto his bed like the lovesick animal that he is, phone pressed against his ear.

"hyung!" donghyuck's voice is a little higher than usual, a pitch reserved specifically for mark.

on the other line, mark chuckles and says, "sorry i made you wait."

donghyuck grins so wide that his face might split open. "not at all! for you, i'll wait as long as i have to."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

donghyuck stares at lee jeno with an unamused look on his face when he tells them about han river. there, he met a boy. that's all jeno has to say, really. because the twinkle in his eyes say more than words ever could, especially when donghyuck _knows_ that look. he sees it in the mirror when he looks at his reflection right before he's about to meet up with mark.

"aigoo," donghyuck coos, the mischief spreading on his face as he grabs the older boy's cheeks. "our baby lee jeno is starting to have adult feelings."

"who are you calling your baby?" jeno grimaces, swatting donghyuck's hands away. "save the ick for mark hyung."

_ah, mark_. it's stupid how easily donghyuck's mind floats into the land of hopes and dreams at the mention of that name. and as jeno starts busying himself with his phone, he finds himself searching for his own to send a message to _him_.

**donghyuck**: i miss you already.  
**donghyuck**: come see me soon

donghyuck pouts when there's no reply and shoves his phone in his pocket with an exasperated sigh. at the end of the class, when he sees mark replying with a selfie and a heart, he's already back to smiling.

he's a lovesick animal and mark is his owner.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"do you ever get tired of me?"

it's a genuine worry that constantly sits in the back of donghyuck's mind. he isn't stupid— he knows he's a challenge. he's outspoken, he's clingy, and if he's not watered with attention, he wilts and loses focus. it's what they call _high maintenance_, renjun tells him. so it comes from his heart when he asks, his head resting on mark's shoulder as they lie in donghyuck's bed.

"never."

donghyuck's hair tickles marks nose when he pulls donghyuck closer in his arms. donghyuck, who is loud and can be annoyingly proud, is quiet as he melts into mark's warm embrace. "seriously," donghyuck whispers, burying his face into mark's chest. his heart is beating loudly, his breath uneven as he remembers all the negative whispers from people in his class. "people think we're bad together."

mark hums, stroking donghyuck's hair. donghyuck is already a puddle in his arms, but the gesture makes him a calm puddle at least. his breathing evens out as mark continues to softly hum to a random tune.

"people can think what they want," mark says, pulling away just enough to be able to stare deeply into donghyuck's eyes. "but they don't know us, hyuck. they don't know."

donghyuck tries to force a smile but it ends up a grimace instead. and he drops his gaze to avoid mark's but mark leans in to brush his lips against donghyuck's forehead. "i love you, donghyuck. remember that."

and with those words, donghyuck lifts his head and leans in to place a chaste kiss on mark's lips. "i love you too, mark."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

renjun bursts out in hysterical laughter next to donghyuck, who's already trying to catch his breath after laughing like a maniac. the best friends look at each other and they both end up falling into deafening laughter once more. lee jeno pouts, hands folded defensively against his chest.

"you guys are assholes," he hisses. "absolutely useless."

renjun raises his hands defensively before pointing at donghyuck. "look, you both know that i hate anything to do with feelings and all those emotional stuff. ask haechan, he's the one with a boyfriend."

when donghyuck finishes laughing, he wipes a tear away from his eye and heaves out a satisfied sigh. "okay, okay, sorry," donghyuck chuckles, shaking away any other remnants of the outburst from just now. "you're saying you want to ask jaemin out? _na jaemin_? you're telling me that han river boy is our classmate na jaemin?"

"why does that sound so hard to believe?" jeno has his face scrunched up and renjun just shakes his head as he twirls his pen between his fingers.

"it's na jaemin," renjun offers, though it's not much of an explanation to jeno, who is only staring at him with a confused look on his face. "he doesn't like people all that much. i tried talking to him once but he just bowed and walked away. you're a puppy, jen. i just don't want you to get hurt."

jeno's face falls and he leans back against his seat, looking over at donghyuck who has started smiling at his phone (the usual). "what do you think, haechan?"

haechan pulls his gaze up from his phone (mark just sent him a video of him playing guitar) and just shrugs. "well it's surprising for sure. but at this point, you're the only one who actually knows him. all _we_ know are rumors."

and if anyone knows how rumors go, it would be lee donghyuck.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

mischievous and loud. imposing and _annoying_. these are some of the words that people use to describe lee donghyuck, who is always unbothered and yelling at his friends for the most random things. at least, that's how he is on the outside.

"lee jeno?" donghyuck grabs his friend's face and harshly tugs at his cheeks. "EARTH TO JENO?" he's raised his voice at this point, stepping in front of him with a suspicious look on his face. "you've been preoccupied with your phone all damn day."

jeno always says it's nothing but donghyuck never believes him. and so when jeno starts choking on his drink, donghyuck groans loudly and pats (_slaps_) him on the back while handing him a handkerchief.

"thanks," jeno says, wiping his face.

"you're red and weird," haechan muses out loud, quirking a brow at his friend. "you've been _really_ weird lately, actually. you good?"

jeno laughs shyly and nods. "it's nothing, really!"

donghyuck doesn't believe him and jeno knows he doesn't believe him, but they leave it at that anyway. jeno always tells in the end, when there's actually something to tell. but donghyuck doesn't need to hear more to know. there's that twinkle in jeno's eyes again and it says more than any words ever could.

"whatever man," donghyuck waves him off dismissively with a teasing grin. "i'd rather hurry over to mark hyung instead of bug you for information. he's much more important."

they laugh and hug goodbye.

and donghyuck walks the opposite direction. but not before hearing those whispers— _how does haechan have amazing friends and a boyfriend_? and he hurries off before he hears more.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ 

_isn't he clinging onto mark too much? mark deserves better_.

donghyuck's fingers curl harshly into his palms when he hears the whispers again. but this time, mark is right next to him. mark holds his hand tightly, tugging him away towards the opposite direction of the parasites that haunt donghyuck almost everyday. rumors are a disease and they love using donghyuck as a host.

they've left the small boutique and went to the nearby library instead. mark pulls donghyuck into a quiet, isolated corner and just holds him. tears spring to his eyes and he's trying so hard not to let them fall. it's stupid— rumors and gossip are so damn stupid. but donghyuck thinks he's even more stupid 

"they don't know you," mark repeats in his ear as donghyuck clings to his shirt. "they don't know us."

donghyuck knows that mark is right. he _knows_ it. there are only so many people who truly know who donghyuck is beyond the mask he covers himself with. mark knows, jeno knows, renjun knows. the three that matter the most— they know. but it's hard to accept, especially when his mind is telling him that the whispers are right and that mark _does_ deserve better and that mark should be with someone... normal.

donghyuck thinks he isn't normal.

"i love you," mark whispers, stroking his hair with the gentlest of touches. donghyuck sighs and relaxes in his boyfriend's arms, forehead pressed against mark's chest. "they're not important. you are. _we_ are."

today, donghyuck doesn't believe this. today, he's not okay. today, he thinks it's all a lie. and today, he feels sorry that his boyfriend is with someone who isn't easy to love.

but mark knows. he knows how donghyuck feels, how he thinks, how the whispers affect his mood. so he knows that today, donghyuck needs to be held a little tighter than usual. he knows that today, donghyuck needs to be kissed a little more than usual. and he knows that today, donghyuck needs to be loved a little harder than usual.

so mark does exactly that.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

donghyuck is harshly elbowing renjun when he sees na jaemin walk towards them. renjun is about to yell at him until he sees jaemin too. jaemin sits down in the empty seat beside jeno and donghyuck openly gawks at the two, gaze shifting from jeno's face to jaemin's to jeno's again. donghyuck turns to renjun with his eyes wide and looking for answers, but renjun only shrugs as though to answer him _i don't know_. 

both of them flinch when jaemin clears his throat. but donghyuck's mouth is still hanging open, and he mouths to renjun: _is he blushing_? renjun looks back at jaemin before turning to donghyuck with a knowing grin. their attention turns to jeno when they hear him speak. and the pair burst into boisterous laughter right after donghyuck mouths to renjun: _now he's blushing_.

they fall silent when the professor walks in, but donghyuck finds it hard to focus when there's a cute little drama unfolding in front of him. his dumb childhood friend keeps stealing glances at na jaemin, who's focused on the lecture and his notes. but donghyuck is perceptive and he can see how stiff and rigid na jaemin is and he's _so_ amused. but it also makes him nostalgic, remembering the first time he met mark lee.

jeno is as whipped for jaemin as donghyuck is for mark and it's an interesting sight to see. and it's making donghyuck feel a little more mischievous than usual. "yo!" he lands a karate chop to the back of jeno's head and he cackles like a maniac when jeno stumbles forward and glares at him. "s-sorry! you just looked so dumb staring at him like that." donghyuck laughs even louder when jeno throws a pen at him.

and then he creeps up behind jeno, listening intently and lying in wait for the best moment to attack. and then the opportunity presents itself in the form of a lunch invitation that jeno takes a little too long to answer. in a high pitched voice, donghyuck begins to mock, “of course i will! i’ve been waiting for this day since the moment we met! my dreams have finally come true!”

if donghyuck dies as he's trapped in jeno's headlock, he can at least die while laughing hysterically after teasing one of his best friends. jeno is mumbling complaints as donghyuck just continues to laugh until his stomach hurts. when jeno finally releases him, renjun drags him away, reminding him of his date with mark set for right after his class. he grins on his way out, calling out to jaemin with a loud voice, "let's get to know each other next time!"

but the smile falters when he hears, _haechan's going at it again. _and donghyuck has to remind himself to keep his head up because mark shouldn't have to see him down. not today, not when he ruined the last date already.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

his heart is racing. his hands are clammy. his head is so fuzzy that he can barely _breathe_. he's sitting alone in his room, hugging his knees, sending teasing messages to the group chat he made between jaemin, renjun, and himself. he's smiling as his fingers shakily type his texts. jaemin is unexpectedly hilarious when they started hanging out and donghyuck loves teasing him almost as much as he loves teasing jeno.

they can't tell he's not okay, right?

**mark hyung ♡**: hi baby, i just finished practice.  
**mark hyung ♡**: i love the dance team but all these late night practices are exhausting.  
**mark hyung ♡**: thanks for being so patient.

donghyuck smiles fondly at those messages. he's smiling so he doesn't really understand why tears fall on his phone. he's crying? why? he's supposed to be happy, especially when his boyfriend is this sweet and thoughtful. donghyuck is so thankful for mark and maybe that's exactly the problem—

mark lee really is too good for lee donghyuck.

and this thought runs through his head again and again and again until he's so tired of hearing his own voice and he wishes he could just go to sleep. his eyes close as he lies down, clinging onto his pillows he stops fighting the tears. he doesn't know how much time has passed; all he knows is that he wants to sleep but he keeps crying instead.

and then his door opens and he feels warmth embracing his body. and then mark's scent fills his room and he feels mark's breath against his neck as he snuggles up against donghyuck's back.

"w-what are you doing here?" donghyuck buries his face into his pillow, managing words in between sniffles. "it's late."

mark pulls donghyuck flush against his body, his head buried in the crook of donghyuck's neck. "i had this really strong urge to come see you," mark hums. "so i called your mom and asked if i could come over for a bit. now i have a really strong urge to just stay over and cuddle with you all night."

donghyuck wants to protest and tell mark to leave. to tell mark that he doesn't deserve to be held like this, to constantly be receiving and receiving and receiving. donghyuck doesn't want mark seeing more of him in his low points, in The Bad Place. but he says nothing and instead turns in mark's arms to look at his face and try to remember:

_they don't know us_.

mark opens his eyes slowly and all he sees is donghyuck staring wistfully at him. mark knows that look; he's seen it many times before. it's the look donghyuck has when the whispers seep deep into his heart and brings him to The Bad Place, where all donghyuck sees is doubt and darkness and _mark lee deserves better_.

"do you want to talk about it?" mark brings a hand up to cup donghyuck's cheek, the pad of his thumb gingerly brushing away his tears.

donghyuck leans into mark's touch and closes his eyes and whispers, "no."

"okay." mark whispers back, his hand moving from donghyuck's cheek to the back of his neck. he leans in slowly and his lips tenderly move against donghyuck's to show him reassurance, to wordlessly tell him an _i love you_ too strong to convey through words alone.

when they pull away, donghyuck smiles and he falls asleep already feeling better.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

donghyuck wishes he could live in a world with only mark, jeno, renjun, and (now) jaemin. he thinks a world like that would be much more easier and much more fun to live in. the current world is too stressful, too painful. and donghyuck isn't sure how much more his heart can take.

when it's just them, donghyuck doesn't have any doubts. in their own little bubble, he's loud and sure of himself and he could even say he's _happy_. but alas, the little bubble can't stay a bubble forever and the whispers always sound like screams begging to be heard. and they're extra loud when donghyuck is alone.

renjun is busy taking care of his family. jeno is going out of town with his aunt. jaemin is probably just studying at home. mark is busy with rehearsals for the winter dance competition. and so donghyuck is sitting in a corner in the student union, eyes glued to his phone.

**jenjen**: HAECHAN HELP ME I LIKE HIM SO MUCH  
**haechan**: oh my god did something happen when you were at his place?  
**jenjen**: akjdlksajd W H A T NO STOP  
**haechan**: god you're so obvious. on a scale of hand-holding to sex, what happened!!  
**jenjen**: i knew i should have texted renjun instead

donghyuck snickers as he types away, always feeling light and fluffy when he's joking around with his friends. but then the whispers come and it's like they're screaming in his ear even though they're a good distance away.

_look at him. he's seriously nothing without the rest of that group_.

"ignore it, lee donghyuck. ignore it." he whispers to himself over and over and over again as he hears even more of what is said about him behind his back. and for a second, he thinks it works because the voices tune out and all that fills his mind is his texts again.

but then:

_no wonder mark would rather stay late with lucas than go meet up with him._

_he probably just feels bad for haechan_.

donghyuck runs out as his heart crumbles into a million pieces.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

**mark hyung ♡**: babe, i'll be down for lunch in ten minutes!  
**mark hyung ♡**: where'd you go? did you sleep in again?  
**mark hyung ♡**: practice is going to be later than usual tonight. :(

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

**mark hyung ♡**: baby, your mom called and asked where you are.  
**mark hyung ♡**: did you go over to a friend's place?  
**mark hyung ♡**: babe, i'm worried. where are you?  
**mark hyung ♡**: at least call your mom...  
**mark hyung ♡**: babe.  
**mark hyung ♡**: lee donghyuck.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

jaemin places a towel over donghyuck's head and starts drying his hair. he isn't the same donghyuck that jaemin sees in class. usually playful, this donghyuck is quiet and deep in thought and _distant_. jaemin pauses, glancing over at donghyuck's phone that's been blowing up since he'd found donghyuck outside.

"will you a least let me tell them you're with me?" jaemin asks cautiously, tossing the damp towel aside. "they're going to get really word, haechan."

"call me donghyuck," he whispers in response. "i— fine. yeah, tell them. i don't care anymore."

jaemin frowns. they have only just recently become friends but even jaemin knows that only mark should call him donghyuck. but he doesn't ask— he doesn't think it's his place to. but he picks his phone up and sends a message into their group chat.

**jaemin**: haechan's with me right now  
**jaemin**: we're studying for the next exam  
**jaemin**: someone let mark hyung know?

donghyuck catches a glimpse of the messages and says, "you didn't have to lie for me. you could have just said i ran off and didn't want to tell anyone because i'm _that _kind of person. the one who just does things impulsively and doesn't think of other people's feelings. that's lee donghyuck anyway. what an asshole. what an inconvenience. just tell them that. tell them—"

donghyuck doesn't get to finish his sentence because his voice cracks and his words turn into uncontrollable sobs. he's almost violently trembling and his heart is beating so fast that his chest actually hurts. "i— i c-can't _breathe_, jaemin-ah."

na jaemin has never seen this side of lee donghyuck before, but everything else is something he knows too well. he's seen it before in the mirror soon after his best friend's death. **panic**.

so jaemin sits in front of him and holds his hand tightly. "try to," he says softly. "just try to take deep breaths. even if you can't right now, just keep trying until you can."

and donghyuck tries. and he fails. and he tries again and again and again until he can finally hold his breath. he wipes his tears with the back of his free hand and squeezes jaemin's with the other, offering a sad shy smile. "thanks, jaemin. i'm sorry."

jaemin shakes his head. "you don't have to apologize. i get it. there are some things that we can't control no matter how hard we wish we can."

as the night grows deeper and they stay warm and comfortable under the covers of jaemin's bed, lee donghyuck finds himself opening up to another person after avoiding it for so long. there are so many things he finds so _wrong_ with himself that he's afraid of letting others see it. but jaemin is so easy to talk to and as they share stories about pain and hurt and anxiety, donghyuck can't help but realize _why_ lee jeno fell in love with jaemin in the first place.

donghyuck tells him about the whispers, how every rumor and gossip tears him from the inside out even though he tries so hard not to let it. he tells jaemin about mark, his perfect mark lee who deserves more than donghyuck, who is so difficult to love. but jaemin offers him perspectives he would never hear from jeno or renjun, insight that make so much sense that donghyuck feels so incredibly stupid for what he did today.

"you're right, nana," donghyuck sighs (and jaemin quirks a brow at the nickname, though he kind of likes it). "i know i shouldn't make his decision for him, especially in our relationship. but i don't know, i think today... today is the worst i've ever done, just running away and worrying everyone. and it just might be the last straw for him. maybe i've pushed him away too far this time."

wanting a distraction from what he already sees as an inevitable goodbye, donghyuck turns to jaemin with a mischievous smile on his face. "so you and jeno," he begins to say. "spill. _everything_."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

mark is staring at donghyuck and donghyuck is staring at his lap with his head bowed in shame. donghyuck can't say anything because he knows he's in the wrong. he knows he shouldn't have run off like that without letting anyone know. he knows he shouldn't have ignored all the messages. he _knows_ that.

and after talking it over with jaemin, donghyuck knows that mark has been completely patient in the two years that they've been together and his patience won't run forever. donghyuck knows that he pushes people away and he _knows_ that the stunt he pulled may be the thing that has mark thinking enough is enough.

so he's ready for anything.

or so he thinks.

because what comes out of mark's mouth is so completely far from what he was expecting that he blinks in confusion as he slowly raises his head to look at the man across from him.

"are you hurt anywhere?"

still dazed, donghyuck shakes his head. "n-no, i ended up at j-jaemin's..."

"what did you hear?"

donghyuck presses his lips together into a thin line, his fingers curling into his palms as he feels his heart start racing at the thought of the whispers. he remembers it all. he remembers every word that people have said about him and his relationships. but instead of answering, donghyuck shakes his head again. "it doesn't matter, hyung. it doesn't change the fact that my mind immediately went to The Bad Place and believed everything. you've been reassuring me for years and i'm still... _this_."

mark's eyes narrow at donghyuck, expression quickly filling with concern. "i don't like where this is going, hyuck."

"i— i'm just— i got to thinking about... everything," he fidgets, playing with his fingers to distract himself from how painful his chest feels. "i love you so much, that much is obvious. and i know you love me otherwise you wouldn't put up with all this. but maybe you shouldn't have to, you know? maybe... m-maybe you should be with someone who—"

"no." mark says firmly, eyes growing cold. "stop, donghyuck. just stop. i don't want to have this conversation with you again."

"hyung, i'm just saying—"

"_no_, hyuck." mark's voice rises and donghyuck flinches. mark is angry and donghyuck never knows what to do when mark is angry. but then he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, using every bit of energy he has left to calm himself down. "sorry, i can't do this right now. i'm pissed off and i don't want to take it out on you. let's just... talk another time."

and without waiting for a response, mark gets up and leaves.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"YOUR BOYFRIEND IS AN ASS. HOW THE HELL DO YOU PUT UP WITH HIM?" it's the first of the many things that donghyuck yells over the phone, knowing very well that jeno is already with jaemin and can hear him over the phone. when he runs out of things to say, he hangs up and tosses his phone on the bed, groaning as he clings tightly onto his pillow.

it's been a couple of days and all mark sends him are good morning, good night, and i love you. and his mind is going back to The Bad Place no matter how hard he tries to fight it. he knows he's being unreasonable and he's taking his frustrations out on jeno, and it just reminds him of how much he's about to lose. "i'm an idiot." he sighs to himself, allowing his tears to fall once again. 

renjun tells donghyuck to pull himself together when he gets there, patting donghyuck on the head. "you're an idiot, yes, but he's an idiot too."

"i don't follow—"

renjun sighs heavily as he lies down next to donghyuck, staring up at the ceiling. "you're both idiots in love," he clarifies (though donghyuck still doesn't understand). "what i mean to say is that you both end up internalizing your problems and thinking it's solely your fault. you both have faults here, you both have to fix it and make it work. you're here thinking it's all your fault because you keep pushing him away, but he _knows_ your anxiety, fool. you've been together over two years— he _knows_ you.

"and on that note, he's probably thinking it's all his fault for not reassuring you enough," renjun continues. "mark hyung is a fool in love for you and probably thinks he's not doing enough to make you feel loved. jeno's an idiot and can't see things like this but as someone who actually knows both of you very well, you need to take a step back far enough to see that you two need to start working on your shit _together_. you are a couple, for fuck's sake!"

donghyuck doesn't know what to say. first, because renjun rarely swears. second, because he can't imagine how frustrated renjun must have been feeling to actually say this much so quickly. and third, because renjun is absolutely right.

so instead of saying anything else, he scoots closer to his friend and hugs him tightly.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

**mark hyung ♡**: competition is tomorrow at 6pm.  
**mark hyung ♡**: main auditorium.  
**mark hyung ♡**: there are seats reserved for you, jeno, renjun, and jaemin.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

donghyuck loses his voice after cheering (screaming) so loudly. all those nights of hard work and practice surely paid off because mark is flawless and perfect and again donghyuck is reminded of everything that he could possibly lose. but when he, jeno, renjun, and jaemin all run backstage to congratulate them for winning, he's (quite literally) swept off his feet.

mark wraps his arms around donghyuck so tightly that donghyuck struggles to breathe. and when his feet finally touch the ground again, he isn't given much time to process everything because mark's lips are on his and mark is holding him firmly by the waist.

donghyuck can't hear anything other than the sound of mark's heartbeat. he can't feel anything other than mark's possessive embrace and their fervent kiss. and it isn't until they pull away that donghyuck remembers where they are.

and there's staring.

and he can hear the whispers again.

but his mind doesn't go to The Bad Place this time. because instead of him, the whispers are about mark. mark is just smiling at him and he can't help but smile back, his heart pounding (in a good way) in his chest.

"hyung, you hate pda..." donghyuck whispers, mildly concerned. (he's still reeling from the surprise affection, though.)

mark shrugs and snakes an arm around donghyuck's waist to pull him close. "you love it and i love you."

donghyuck thinks he's having a mental breakdown because mark lee _never_ says things like this in public. he _hates_ the idea of pda, which is why donghyuck teases him so much about it in the first place. but here he is, doing something he's always hated in front of the people they know.

"gross, get a room!" jeno yells out, channeling his inner donghyuck to tease them.

mark turns towards jeno but his hold on his boyfriend stays firm, a grin spread across his face. "deal with it."

donghyuck isn't usually the flustered one. donghyuck isn't usually the quiet one. in fact, so many of the whispers is about donghyuck being all over mark. all over his friends. so when he's speechless and looking around and waiting for the whispers and The Bad Place, he's honestly shocked they don't come. the whispers remain whispers; they knock on the door in his mind but not strong enough to open. and mark is holding him close while jeno and renjun are teasing them nonstop, not following the script that their dynamics have set.

"this is weird," donghyuck murmurs. "i feel weird."

but it's a good kind of weird.

so when his stomach finally settles and his heart isn't screaming anymore, he joins in on the fun.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"i thought it was the end," donghyuck admits, his mind a little fuzzy from the soju. he's run off with mark to the rooftop of the building, bringing stolen blankets and pillows to escape from the mess of a party downstairs. "i really thought i pushed you too far this time and i wouldn't be able to reach you anymore."

mark holds his hand, absentmindedly playing with his fingers as he gazes up at the full moon shining so majestically above them. "i was really hurt and angry," he says quietly while peering at donghyuck. "it just felt like you were speaking for me when i have never once thought about walking away. it sounded like you were trying to break up with me but you were using _me_ as an excuse, when i've always just wanted to be with you."

donghyuck rests his head on mark's shoulder, tears springing to his eyes. "i'm sorry, hyung," he whispers loud enough for only mark to hear. "i'm just... insecure. when i heard you were always out late with lucas hyung, i just—"

"we were trying to figure out how to set him up with renjun, dummy," mark chuckles softly, wiping away the tears that have slid down donghyuck's face. "we don't talk personal stuff during practice; ten hyung would kill us. i already know that you have your insecurities, hyuck. after two years, i've become kind of an expert at it. i got frustrated by the thought that i wasn't doing enough to reassure you."

donghyuck pulls away and stares at mark with a subtle smile. "renjun literally just told me that the other night. i think we really pissed him off."

mark laughs and places a warm hand against donghyuck's cheek. "yeah, he yelled at me too."

silence befalls them as they lift their heads to watch the stars overhead. it's comforting, almost warm. and donghyuck feels heat rise in his face when mark leans in and presses a quick kiss to his cheek. he doesn't fight the smile that spreads across his lips, instead beaming at his boyfriend and scooting impossibly close against his body.

"i'll be better for you," donghyuck says. "i promise, i'll be better for you."

"you're already the best. and i already love you exactly as you are," mark says, wrapping his arms around the younger boy. "but if you want to improve yourself and be better for _you_, i'll completely support you and i'll love you just the same. i love you, all of you, with all the ups and downs that come with loving you. i love who you were when we met, who you are now, and i promise i will love whoever you become in the future. you're stuck with me, lee donghyuck."

"you suck," donghyuck pouts, melting in mark's arms. "how the hell am i going to top that?"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

donghyuck stares at mark and mark stares at donghyuck. and then they both stare at the mess of bodies sprawled out in ten's living room and the empty bottles rolling around the floor.

"what the hell did we miss?"

mark grins and points at a corner. "_that_."

there lies huang renjun snuggled up against lucas wong and donghyuck is such an amazing friend that he snaps a picture to immortalize the memory.

(mark tells him to send it to him too.)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

donghyuck is still laughing even long after they parted ways with their friends and mark is trying to compose himself but donghyuck's laugh is too infectious so he's laughing as well. lunch is always chaotic when donghyuck is there, but today is even more chaotic because of everything that's happened in the last couple of days. there's so much teasing for donghyuck to do now that jeno and jaemin are officially dating and renjun is freaking out and avoiding lucas like the plague.

"aren't you glad we're sort of kind of normal?" donghyuck squeezes mark's hand, arms swinging as they walk. "then again, you avoided _me_ before we started dating."

"you know how i get with public stuff," mark's cheeks burn hot as he remembers. "it's just... i don't know— i get _shy_ being put in the spot like that."

"i know, i know," donghyuck laughs, thinking back to that day over two years ago. he had hijacked the pa system to serenade mark right before announcements and lucas told him afterwards that mark got so shy that he hid in the infirmary for the rest of the day. "that's why people think you don't like me, you know."

"i know," mark whispers with a small nod. "i wish i did more for you back then." during those couple of days that they spent apart, he thought back a lot to the beginning of their relationship and how people started talking badly about donghyuck because of him. donghyuck, who does everything for mark without hesitation, without any regard for himself, was chastised because mark lee couldn't swallow his embarrassment long enough to show the world how much he actually does love him. "but i will now."

donghyuck's eyebrows pinch together in confusion. _do more_? donghyuck feels like he can't possibly receive more from mark when he's already received _everything_ he could ever want. but then mark halts abruptly in the middle of the street and pulls donghyuck into his arms, hands gently cupping his cheeks.

donghyuck says nothing as they stare deeply into each other's eyes, a faint rose coloring his cheeks as his heart starts pounding in his chest. people are beginning to stare and he again feels like he's having a mental break down because _what is wrong with mark lee?_ and _why is he acting so strange?_

"i love you," mark says. "no more whispers. no more going to The Bad Place. i'll protect you. i'm sorry i haven't until now."

and before donghyuck can protest and tell him that he's always helped, he's always protected, he's always been _too good_, mark leans in and kisses him so sweetly that he almost forgets to **breathe**. and they hold each other right then and there without a care in the world, wordlessly saying all the _i love yous_ they can muster with every single kiss.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

donghyuck is out of breath as he collapses on the empty patch of grass right next to mark, who wipes donghyuck's sweat with a handkerchief as soon as he does. they're out by the han river to accompany jaemin and donghyuck ends up running around with renjun and the two new additions to their group. donghyuck and renjun spend the night bickering and teasing each other for the stupidest, most random things while mark just watches and laughs along.

"i hope i didn't scare off the kids," donghyuck hums. "they seem like they'd be fun to tease. jeno's going to be less fun now that he and jaemin have finally stopped skirting around their feelings."

mark shakes his head and laughs once more. "maybe you should stop making friends based on whether they're fun to tease or not."

they lie down in silence, admiring the way the moon is illuminating the night sky. renjun is taking care of his younger friends, who have started making a mess nearby. jeno and jaemin are still in their own little bubble on the bench (probably making out, donghyuck muses). donghyuck is reminded of the night of mark's dance competition, when they had snuck away to watch the moon and the stars while the rest of their friends got drunk in ten's living room.

they talked more about donghyuck's disappearance the day after. with late night practices done, mark spends more time with him and they talk all night like they usually do. donghyuck told mark about what he heard, how badly he took it, how he walked around in the rain like an idiot until jaemin saw him. donghyuck told mark about how sorry he was for just disappearing, for ignoring mark's messages and making him worry. mark just held him and explained how he felt during that time, how scared he was that something bad happened. mark told him he was angry at donghyuck, but even angrier at himself.

and then they talked about renjun. _no more assumptions_, they said. _we have to go through our problems together_, they agreed. and by the end of the night, they were better than ever and ready to face everything head on, _together_.

"hey, hyuck."

mark's voice brings him out of his memories and back into the present. without much thought, donghyuck reaches for mark's hand. "yeah?"

"move in with me."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

renjun peers out from behind his book to glare at donghyuck, who's again complaining about mark not calling. his book slaps shut and renjun throws a highlighter in donghyuck's direction.

"one week, haechan. it's a one-week trip. you always do this, dumbass," renjun hisses, standing to retrieve the highlighter that had landed on the floor with a thud. "you've been together for almost three whole years and you're still so clingy. it's _still_ ridiculous."

donghyuck pouts at renjun, spinning in his swivel chair while he hugs his knees to his chest. "i can't help it. three years later, i'm still so in love."

"_whipped_, haechan," renjun corrects. "the word to describe you is _whipped_."

donghyuck glares at renjun as he grabs a pencil from his desk and throws it quickly at him. but then he starts laughing (renjun is just staring, annoyed) because he is.

he actually truly is absolutely whipped.

"i gotta go. date." the older of the two rises to his feet, gathering all the notebooks scattered all over the bed and haphazardly tosses them all into his bag. "jen and jaem aren't coming. they're... _busy_."

donghyuck's eyes light up with mischief and renjun stares at him. "haechan, _no_," he warns as he tosses his bag over his shoulder. "you are not going to cockblock them, you ass. just because you're lonely doesn't mean we all have to share your misery."

"you're an annoying friend," donghyuck groans and throws another pencil at renjun, who glowers at him in response. but then donghyuck smiles. "but on a serious note, go. i know it's been hard on you lately so i'm glad you're getting out there again."

a small smile tugs at renjun's lips as he shrugs. "pining over jen for so long hasn't been the easiest. but hey, he's happy. he deserves it."

donghyuck hops off his chair to hug his friend tightly. "you do too, renjun. so go, bitch," donghyuck grins, tapping lightly at renjun's butt. "your date is waiting. let me know how it goes!"

_ring_. finally his phone rings a couple of minutes after renjun leaves. donghyuck dives onto his bed like the lovesick animal that he is, phone pressed against his ear.

"hyung!" donghyuck's voice is a little higher than usual, a pitch reserved specifically for mark.

on the other line, mark chuckles. "you know, you shouldn't antagonize your friends when you're lonely. i ran into renjun and he told me you wanted to cockblock jeno and jaemin."

"hey! i— wait." donghyuck gasps and runs out of his room. he opens the front door and there stands mark, grinning at him with his phone pressed to his ear. "you're back!"

mark closes the door behind them, his bags long forgotten by the entrance. donghyuck holds onto him tightly and mark wraps his arms around the younger boy. "i came back early. it's more fun being here with you anyway."

donghyuck looks into mark's eyes and smiles so widely that his face feels like it's going to split. "welcome home."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

they stay in their shared bedroom for the rest of the night, sharing all their wordless _i love you_s until they're exhausted and out of breath, melted in each other's arms, falling asleep to the sound of each other's heartbeat.

* * *


End file.
